


How Can I Help You Say Goodbye?

by Shyster



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M, Major character death - Freeform, Obsession, Shootout (Non-Descript), Sorry But You May Need Tissues, Stalking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-14
Updated: 2016-12-14
Packaged: 2018-09-08 15:56:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8851069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shyster/pseuds/Shyster
Summary: A story of "Love Conquers All (Even Brainwashing)" through the eyes of a very confused, determined man.The story is told by Saeran, who is head-over-heels for the MC. So much so that, in the face of a life-altering event, he takes up the reins, regardless of his own problems, and tries to set things right.(POSSIBLE SPOILERS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.)





	

The day they found me was both a blessing and the worst possible day of my life - worse than when I finally gave in to the indoctrination and gave up all hope of Saeyoung coming to find me.  
  
We were tracked to a meeting point, miles away from the mountains where I had been mistakenly abducted. I don’t even think we were in the same city anymore, and I know that it had been several days since we’d left. The man called Vanderwood was given orders to take my brother there, and hand him over to the organization that they worked for. He was labeled a traitor and was going to be punished for it. The only reason that I know any of this is because that bastard wouldn’t shut up about it. He just kept talking the whole way to the rendezvous, like he was trying to taunt me. I didn’t know what the hell was going on at the time, but I knew that listening to him was more than enough torture - worse than the bitch that had given birth to us had ever done, now that I think back on it.

The idiot didn’t believe me when I told him that I was not my brother. Apparently Saeyoung had a knack for dressing up and trying to disguise himself, and that’s exactly what I was being accused of doing. It didn’t matter how many times I yelled, glared, or tried to explain; he was having none of it.

 When we got there, there was a black van with blacked out windows waiting. It was scary, but I think that I was more pissed off than anything else. I was handed over to two muscular guys in suits and sunglasses - it looked like some cheesy bullshit right out of a bad spy movie or something. Vanderwood was holding a gun to my head until I was in their grasp, but I was thrashing to escape. I guess they had finally had enough of my resistance, because I was incapacitated with the butt of a gun to the back of my skull. I remember the brain-numbing crack of it, and then it was lights out.  
  
The only things that I remember between then and when I finally came to are the sounds of muffled yelling, shuffling feet on the graveled roadside, and the ring of gunshots echoing through what little consciousness I had left.

   
I woke some time later to inconsolable sobbing and bodies strewn about the place. When I sat up, all I saw was blood and death… and her.

She was cradling my brother’s head in her lap, trying to speak to him through her tears. Seeing her like that twisted something in my gut. It wasn’t just what she was doing, it also had to do with the fact that she was there. She was right in front of me, and Saeyoung was no longer an obstacle.

I had chosen her for the task of obtaining that information in the apartment. Hand-selected her for Mint Eye, wanted her for my own in Magenta.

I first encountered her on the street one evening. She had bumped into my shoulder, having been paying more attention to the clear night sky than where her own feet were taking her. Such a clumsy girl, but her voice was like sugar spun on a harp string. It was melodious. Beautiful, just as she herself was. She apologized to me, bowing her head. From the moment I saw her brunette locks spill over her shoulders as she rose to reveal deep green eyes, I knew. I knew that I wanted her, and only her.

I tracked her for weeks after that. I found out everything about her - who she was, where she lived, where she worked, her usual haunts, her hobbies, and even the people that she tended to be around in her down time. Once I was comfortable in my knowledge of her, I lured her in.

That day that I had showed up at the apartment - the very same day that Saeyoung came to her rescue - I had planned to take her and make her mine for good. I didn’t know, at the time, that she had already become so enraptured with my brother. I didn’t know that they had gotten so involved with one another, to the point that there was a romance budding, but the thought had made me sick.

Imagine the stab in the back that I felt in that instance. I could only see it as him having taken one more precious thing right from under me. First my hopes and dreams, then my safety and my trust, and now her. I wasn’t going to allow him to have her. I panicked and grabbed the nearest gun, putting it to the back of her head. I actually pulled the trigger, but the handgun just clicked - it had been emptied.

She didn’t even flinch when she felt the cold muzzle of it touch the back of her head. I had never been more thankful for a lack of ammunition, because I realized far too late that that was exactly what she wanted out of the situation. Looking back, now, I know that she had resigned herself to death because she knew that he would be there. He would be on the other side, and that’s where she wanted to be, too.

I remember that I looked down to see Saeyoung’s face, full of pain and worry. He worried for her, and for me. He was barely holding onto her hand, but his eyes were locked onto me. They were begging me not to bring further harm to her. Begging me not to put an end to something so beautiful to him. I realize that he was pleading for so much more than my selfishness had been willing to give.  
  
“Why?” I remember that I was so angry and lost, I nearly screamed the words at him. “Why are you here?!”  
  
I felt my heart wretch and my stomach knot. He just smiled kindly at me, his eyes clouding over with the sheen of tears, “I wasn’t going to abandon you.” He barely choked out the words as blood was pooling in his mouth. He spat some of it away, and took in a shaky breath before looking back toward her. The look in his eyes, when he stared up at her… It was like he was staring into the gates of Heaven. He looked so happy, so at peace. I didn’t think that he deserved to look at her like that. He was weakly nuzzling his cheek into the hand that she was stroking his face with, his eyes pleading with her not to cry.  
  
I wanted to vomit. I felt the bile rise into my throat, in fact, but I managed to keep it down.

It felt like it was all bullshit. Every single word of it. I still didn’t want to believe a word he said. But why else would he be here? He had nothing to gain from coming all this way. I had been taken away, he was free to live a life without the fear of Vanderwood and the organization ever finding him, he was free to have her... But still, he came here. For me. Maybe, just maybe, everything that he said back at the base in the mountains was true. If that was the case, I knew that I had a lot to make up for.  
  
There was a long period of silence as I mulled things over in my head. I was still staring at the two of them, observing their interactions and all that I had, somehow, taken from the two of them.

I thought about what it would have been like if I had just approached her like a normal person, that perhaps I could have spared her the pain that she was feeling. If I had never gotten her involved with the RFA, she may never have met my brother until after I had carried out the plans for Mint Eye. By then, she could have already been mine and have never fallen so deep for him. She wouldn’t be watching someone she cared for dying in the same arms that I had hoped would one day hold and touch me as tenderly as she was doing with him.

He would still be well enough to live, of course, but that would have been a small price to pay to take this one event away from her.  
  
The silence was broken as I watched him wince and cough up more blood. His eyes never left after he had looked back at her, but they were becoming less focused and his skin was becoming more pale. His lungs were filling with blood, slowly but surely.

The last things he said before he left us were that he loved us both, unconditionally, and that he was sorry for everything he’d put her through. And me. He asked her to watch over me, and to just forget him. He wished me luck for my future, and wanted me to be cooperative toward her. To love her like family, because she was all either of us were ever going to have...

I had never heard such a pained scream as the one that she let out when he slipped from our plain. Being beaten to near-death suddenly seemed less painful than what she was going through. I never thought that I would feel regret and self-hatred until that moment. Years of feeling unloved and abandoned was nothing. She wailed for him. She collapsed onto him and clawed at his shirt, begging him to come back to her. I had never witnessed such an overwhelming act of grief. I… I don’t know what came over me, but that moment hit me harder than a rock slide. I felt the sting of tears for the first time in years, but they didn’t come out. I couldn’t let them. I couldn’t give them the satisfaction of proving that I was human right now.

I got to my knees and pulled her from him. She latched onto me like I was the only thing that could stop her from going under. Her blunt nails dug into my chest as she gripped my shirt, but it was a pain that I could bare for the moment. Tears soaked my shoulder where she shoved her face into me. I could feel the warm droplets rolling down my skin as I cautiously tightened my arms around her. Gentle, as though she might actually break under my accursed touch. She choked on her sobs and clung to me, apologizing over and over. I don’t know if she was apologizing to Saeyoung, or to me, but I wasn’t in a mind to question her words.

I didn’t know why she bothered, because I knew that she would never do anything that required such a thing. She could never; she was an absolute angel. This is the same woman that I had seen helping out at animal shelters and nursing homes in her free time. There was no malice, no blackness at all, to her. She was pure.

I buried my face into her hair and moved one hand up to cradle the back of her head. I was catching the faint smell of coconut from her shampoo as I held her shivering, miserable form.

I’d loved to have let her sit there. Let her mourn until she couldn’t cry anymore. I knew that’s what she would want, but... If Saeyoung really hadn’t abandoned me, if he really did care about me, then I knew that I had to make sure that this beautiful creature that I had lured to that apartment was safe. Not just for my sake, or for her own. I knew that letting her cry over him wasn’t going to heal any wound - it was more likely to open others up.

I pat her head and told her that we needed to go, that the organization was likely to be on their way once they noticed that they weren’t hearing back from their operatives. She choked on a sob and let go of me, throwing herself back onto him and kissing his corpse. She whispered things to him, but I didn’t feel it right to listen in on their final private moment.

Unfortunately, I had to rush her along. She followed me without a word, but quickly turned back to grab something out of his jeans pocket before running to catch up to me. It was his car keys and his cellphone. As we got further from the scene, his car came into view. She gave me the keys, and I took the role of driver without complaint - she was in no state.

The trust that she put in me was perplexing, I remember thinking. I had tried to shoot her only moments ago. My brother, her beloved, was now dead because of me. For all she knew, I was going to take her to Mint Eye. Just as planned.

I didn’t take her back to the base, however. Or even to see the Savior.

 

 

I drove for a long time, went completely out of my own way, and took her back to her apartment. Her old apartment, where she had lived before I lured her away. The whole way, she clung desperately to the jacket he’d left behind and stared at the picture of the two of them, smiling and happy, on his cellphone.

She did nothing but cry. There were no words that could be said that could fix what had transpired, I knew that.

We pulled up to her building and gathered belongings out of the car before making our way up to the fifth floor, where she unlocked her door and wandered inside to collapse on the couch. I entered and stared around the room, unsure of what I was even doing.

The door was still open and I had the car keys. I still had a chance to turn away and never come back; to let her live out her life however she wanted, without my presence to be a grim reminder of today. I could give her the chance to leave the RFA, to escape the plan we had laid out for her, to give her the option to live as freely as she did before I ruined her life…

But I couldn’t be that selfless. Could I?

I kicked off my shoes, then slammed and locked the door behind me. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking as I walked over to her, easing my knee down on the couch to pull her close to my chest once more. If I stayed here, with her, I could still sort of have what I wanted. It meant betraying the Savior and Mint Eye, at this point, but…

She was worth it. If only for now, when she needed someone.

I never thought that I would be so easily swayed by anyone, let alone someone that my brother held dear. Truth be told, I could give two shits less about what Saeyoung wanted. I was doing what I wanted, and that was holding her. It may be the closest I ever got to having what I really wanted with her, but that was enough for me. It was more than what I would have gotten if I’d left, at least.

She put her arms around my back and held herself tightly to me. It felt like my heart had suddenly turned into a battering ram as it slammed itself against my ribs, but I regained myself and brushed my fingers through her long, soft hair. We stayed like that for… I don’t know how long.

She cried through the night, that night. Neither of us slept, though I did end up leaning back into the couch with her still clinging to me. If the situation had been different, I’d have been happy about that much.

 

The next morning, she contacted the other RFA members, against my wishes, and let them know what happened. I couldn’t get her to eat after that - she just kept crying, then went and locked herself in her bedroom.

I didn’t see her for another two days, then she finally emerged from her room and sat at the dining room table without a word. She was staring at the placemat in front of her, but made no facial expression to give way to emotions.

Her eyes were red and puffy, brows still knitted and mouth pouting as though she were still crying, but her cheeks were dry. She later told me that she hadn’t slept at all, and just silently cried the whole time that she was in her room. She said that she felt like a desert after, like everything within her had dried up and that she’d never have tears again.

I watched her from my position on the sofa as she pulled out my brother’s phone from the jacket pocket. She opened it. I could guess that she was staring at the picture of the two of them.

A small smile flitted across her lips for a very brief second as she stroked one side of the screen with her thumb. What happened next is something that I will never forget. I didn’t know what they meant at the time, but I was sure it was something important to her, and to my brother.  
  
The words were spoken so quietly that I could barely hear them, but I managed to just make them out. Her tone was bittersweet as she stared lovingly at the phone and said...

“I didn’t get to tell you… You left evidence, Saeyoung...“

**Author's Note:**

> So... I don't remember why I decided to write this, but it happened.
> 
> I realize that this doesn't follow the rehabilitation that Saeran actually had to go through, but I like to think that his love (coughobsessioncough) for the MC is so crazy strong that he can set his doubts about his brother aside for her. C:
> 
> EDIT: There are more chapters on the way!
> 
> UPDATE 1/24/2017: This story has NOT been abandoned, folks! I just have a lot going on at the moment, but I'll try my best to have the rest up very soon.


End file.
